I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
