So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
