my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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