i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
