After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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