Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
