ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
