"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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