I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
