Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
