Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
