U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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