If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
