I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
