I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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