I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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