Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize