Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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