only if we run a train.
done.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize