There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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