is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
