Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
