Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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