Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
