I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
