I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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