I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
