I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
