I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
