I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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