like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize