After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
