found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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