At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
