I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
