i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
