I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
