I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
