there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
meet me or not, i'm out of control
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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