If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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