I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
