he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
