all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
