I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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