Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
