So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
