Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
