So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
