loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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