i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want her autograph on my taint
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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