yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
