Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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