Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
