dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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