he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
operation have a gay friend backfired
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
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seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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