Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk

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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.

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(845): View more from New York

This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.

(303): View more from Colorado

well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.

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(708): View more from Illinois

He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..

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(813): View more from Florida

You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.

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