College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
