I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
