yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
