No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
