Pants 0. Shit 1.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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