i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So much rum. So many feels.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
