shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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