You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
