hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
